Beloning

Being born in England made me a British citizen for most of my life. Despite living in central Indiana for 12 out of my 14 years of life, I only became an American citizen last summer. My family and I try to go back to England every other year to visit family and close friends. When I was younger, I remember going back and feeling like I belonged. The children that I played with and the adults that I visited had known me since the week I was born. Everything in America was so foreign. My mom had to use a map just to get from our house to Marsh. I don't have many real memories of all this, but I know one thing. Going to America, was torture to me. The look on my face in my Visa picture was one of pure hate. I had been crying the whole day about not wanting to go to America, about wanting to stay. Now, I know how different things would be if I was still in England. Being young and innocent gave me ties and ways to relate to the kids in England. Last year when my parents and I visited for my aunt and uncle's wedding, I was shocked. I did not belong at all. My American accent and clothes were not the only things that set me apart. Our friends houses probably cost the same amount as our house in Indiana, but they are basically 2 bedroom apartments compared to an average-sized house in a neighborhood with a yard and a dog. I was 13, and was offered an alcoholic drink at a bar. I was completely appalled, I knew I didn't fit in at all here. My parents changed around their friends and siblings, so nothing was familiar anymore. I was a lonely hoosier, in the middle of a bunch of loud British people, as if I had nothing to do with them at all. I like to think of myself as different from people in Indiana, like being born in a different place makes me an outsider, but it really doesn't. I fit in here, I belong here, maybe not in Indiana (too close to the Bible belt for me) but somewhere were there are horses and neighborhoods. My dream used to be to have a horse farm in Florida, but the high-end tailored pants and high heels at horse shows isn't really my style either. Maybe somewhere like Virginia is my place? Who knows....